Category: Uncategorized

Come here carer into my lair. To move me to bed from this God awful chair, help me undress I feel such a mess.

Light fades into the dark, the streetlights dim on the edge of the park. Alone with my thoughts and demons and devil’s; I watch the lights racing past as people go about their business blinkered and fast.

I scream out in pain in the dead of night, so loud the devil gets a fright. My carer comes running and flicks on the light with a big cup of tea and tablets for the pain, it takes ages to subside but it’s all in Vien.

She huddles in the dark in that God forsaken chair, crumpled and weiry with a fixed stare. No noise she makes but hopes in the morning I will awake once again.

Awake with the lark and the receding dark birds spring to life on the edge of the park. She is still in my lair all crumpled and with scented hair; still fast asleep in my chair. I wish I was gone and not really there.

I feel her burden, her pain and her anxst. She wakes with a stir and her head full of dread, is she hoping that maybe I’m dead. Her eyes are wet with tears and sweat.

I feel her pain of routine again and again, no freedom no gain, I’m such a drain. A million things go through her head but all the time I’m still in bed.

I love her so much she is my crurtch.Always there in my hour of need to do any job or deed. She is my carer my life support home grown who nobody taught; full of emotions and thought hidden inside never let out wide.

When I’m alone I many times have cried for the both of us have burdens to hide. Oh in the night I wish I had died.

Tumbling bumbling rolling along a bottle of beer and a song. Stager to the take away order a kebab if you may.  Salad and mayo and lots of meat all placed in pitta all proper and neat.

Roll down the road down the street the frog and toad. In at your gate with an excuse why you are late but not able to remember the date. A night out with the boys and your best mate.
Your key is in the door you burst in and fall on the floor that’s where you lay asleep untill the very next day.
When you awake your head is full of hammers and you wonder weather you used your manners.  Shower and coffee and bacon too, then to the white telephone head down the loo.

Off to bed with the hammers still in your head wishing you hadn’t done it and that you were dead. Close your eyes go to sleep snoring loudly you could sleep for a week.

Running down a tunnel of love no ravens or sparrows just snow white doves. No distraction no going back the tunnel of love is a very long hack.

Light at the end straight as a dye never bending or hurting the eye. Laughter and joy and no more tears.

Running fast towards the light slowly leaving the black lonely night never turning till its far out of sight.

On the wind the Eagle flies way up high with sun in his eyes. 

Glide on your mighty wingspan floating like a fairy in a wonder land. 

Soaring above the earth so calm where no one can catch you and do you no harm. Serine yet mean this hunter he flies untill a prey he spies.
Sweeping down with talens and claws catches his fodder with out a pause . Back up to the sky in the blink of an eye  to feed his young eagles so they don’t die.

Then back on the wing soaring so high silluette against the fading sun  content in the knowledge his job is done.

Sticks and stones will break my bones but your names really hurt me. You’re not blind you can see the fear you planted in me right here.

The fun you get from making me cry and wishing I could die. Horrid nasty useless self fighting to save my mental health. 

That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that roles up and down and really goes to town. Yet you seem to get away with this spite and know I won’t fight.

The teachers say no blame yet your words continue to cut and maim. Oh the bully pain day after day more of the same.

I’m seen as lame as week as very meek yet my strength is never seen on the journey on which I have been. Not lashing out and giving you a clout to frightened of the consequences if I get found out.

In my mind I’ve killed you a thousand times and retaliated with cutting lines but in the day I just don’t know how I can make you go away.